Facebook Status follow-up…

So here’s how I got out of the birds and bees talk with a turtle:

Facebook status (reformatted for blog): 

Christopher said, "I wanna know how babies are formed." 

I said, "Huh?"

He repeated himself. 

I said, "I'm getting ready to cook dinner." 

He said, "Can't you talk at the same time?" 

I said, "No, I need to look at a recipe." 

Hopefully my husband will be home shortly. Let's see how I can cook this 20-minute meal in slow motion. 

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A few minutes into my marathon meal he says, "Mom when you get done I need to talk to you because I have a lot on my mind and its gross."

It was about this time last year when he insisted on knowing which part of me he came out of. Finally I blurted out, “My private parts,” and he said, “So, what? You can’t tell me?”

Yes, that was the end of that conversation.

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So when he said he had something on his mind, I was really freaking out.

Turns out the gross something on his mind was about so & so putting barbecue sauce on their carrots and ketchup on their peas. 

I was relieved. We might be onto something with distractions. So I carried on the conversation about how disgusting that was and did you know some people put ketchup on eggs…

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A couple days later someone replied to my Facebook status:

How'd the talk go? Are you still cooking dinner? 

I gave her the short story. But what had happened was….

I was pulling the trashcan to the street when I noticed a small turtle. I went back in to go get Christopher. I was thinking to myself, this is just the distraction I need. I showed him the turtle shell. I said, “Pick it up and bring it in the yard so he doesn’t get run over.” Christopher said, “What’s if he pokes his head out and snaps me.” I told him I didn’t think it was a snapping turtle.  He continued to stand by with the, I’m not going to touch it look.  I said oh geez, where is your father as I looked up the street, thinking, I’m gonna have to pick up the turtle to show him there is nothing to be afraid of.

I picked up the turtle and in my mind I was saying, ewww ewww ewww as I made it a few steps to our mailbox and put it down.  This was a major. I don’t like buggy insecty reptiley things.

Christopher then brought the turtle the rest of the way into the yard. My husband came home a few minutes later and they walked it to a nearby lake.

So here’s the turtle. What? I said it was small.

Here’s the thing… a few days later I’m still saying, “Ewww I touched a turtle” , but it did buy me some time.