“My aren’t WE in a bad mood?” I asked this of me and myself; it inspired this post.
We are talking about PMS – disclaimer for our dad. So GET OUT daddy! Lest you be embarrassed.
So we think medical paperwork should ask how many good days we have a month instead of how many days in between cycles. Everything looks fine and dandy in the paperwork if we write that we have 21 days between cycles. What if I say, “But me and myself only have about 10 good days out of the month…” Wouldn’t that warrant some discussion? Not the fact that we are three people, but the fact that we only have 10 good days a month. We are completely sane. We are always together.
Our first ten days are wonderful. I’m in a fantastic mood, Me is energetic, Myself gets lots done, and nothing (almost nothing) gets on our nerves.
Within these 10 days, Me & Myself should not go shopping for clothes because I will like everything.
Within these 10 days we like our husband A LOT!
Within these 10 days I’ll think our face looks great except Me & Myself will point out the healed pimples from last month that left a spot.
So after the 10th day, I get so evil, some days Me wants to get away from Myself.
After the 10th day, I do not go a day without M&M’s. Myself and I think they fight off depression.
After the 10th day, things won’t fit right and we are already bloated for the remaining days. If I have a special occasion coming up and Myself needs something to wear and Me is not a regular shopper we say don’t wait until after the 10th day. Trying on something led Me & Myself to needing a new bra and I didn’t like any of them. I clasped both my hands behind Me’s head and looked at Myself in the old bra. I said, “If we could keep our hands up like this, this bra would do just fine.” Even better when we move one elbow up a little bit higher.
After the 10th day, we should not buy hair color. If I am considering a major haircut, Myself should check Me’s state of mind by looking at the calendar.
After the 10th day we will be on repeat, “We need something sweet.” “I need something salty”. “We need something sweet.” “I need something salty”. “We need something sweet.” “I need something salty”. “We need something sweet.” “I need something salty”. And that’s just in one day.
After the 10th day I will feel a sore spot when we smile. This is the first indication of a pimple brewing somewhere in the cheek or chin zone and it will be too early to use zit zapper. The pimple will manifest overnight and it will be too late to use zit zapper.
After the 10th day is when Me & Myself should not shop for shoes or purses, because I will like everything.
Things we hear will annoy us after the 10th day:
- A bird that sounds like a squeaky grocery cart.
- The Alarm
- The Alarm after snooze
- Hey Mom?
- Hey Kenya?
- A barking dog
- The school bus…
And that’s just in one day.
Here’s the thing… On the 21st day or thereabout we just feel like crap. I’m wondering if we would rather sweat without a period or be in a bad mood with one. Please tell us there’s a trade off. We won’t be able to stand the simultaneous fun.