I'm supposed to write something intriguing here to make you want to read this post. Here's the thing... I am so beside Myself, ME can't think of a doggone thing. One of us needs to wave the white flag.Read More
You know PMS is bad when you daydream about going back to THE BEGINNING. You get pleasure from the thought of standing behind the Tree of Life with a bunch of your home girls waiting to jump Eve.Read More
For those of you who are following my insane workout adventure, I have an update. I QUIT!
No I didn’t. But if the Insanity workout were a job, I would have been fired for my bad attitude.
You wanna know where I'm going with this?Read More
Now that swimming is “in season”, the swimming registration line was very long. This time last month I was third in line at 9:30. Today, I didn’t count, but I was probably the 25th. So what do you do when you are by yourself just waiting?Read More
Me and Myself are in one of those funky “I’m 41” moods, and our birthday isn’t even coming up. Myself woke up fine yesterday, Me took a nice brisk walk and then I snapped. Maybe we took too long to eat. Maybe we’ve passed our 10 good days – but who’s counting? Ten good days was a metaphor for “some days being a woman totally stinks”. Just so happens we were out of M&Ms and they have since been replenished.
When Myself went to the store to restock on necessities, Me figured I might as well throw in a bottle of wine just in case the day didn't get any better.
So you might be over forty when:
- A cashier disregards the “no matter what” rules and overrides asking for your ID
- You know the big hair versions of Luke & Laura, Angie & Jessie, Beth & Phillip, and Bo & Hope.
- When you know what these are:
I wanted to work on the A to Z challenge yesterday called The ABC’s of Me. You can’t ball up a piece of paper that’s on your computer screen. After Me and Myself agreed that I wasn’t Charming, Elegant, or Patient and that A should have been for Attitude – we clicked delete.
So the day pretty much ends with a headache; one of those Myself thinks you get just from being 'U is for Uptight.'
So I’m sitting on the end of Christopher’s bed and he is just staring at my face. 'U for Uptight' hopes it not about the 'P for Pimple'. But he’s not looking at Me that way. He has a glazed over look. So I wave my hand in front of him in a ‘snap out of it’ fashion and I ask him, “What? Are you daydreaming?” He says, “Naw, I was just silently saying you sure are pretty.” That made OUR day!!! Put that in a bottle and sell it for $8.99.
Here’s the thing… If anyone comments asking what that picture is of, then you might just send Me, Myself and I on a downward spiral. However, we are also flattered that you read our blog.
Me, Myself & I
“My aren’t WE in a bad mood?” I asked this of me and myself; it inspired this post.
We are talking about PMS – disclaimer for our dad. So GET OUT daddy! Lest you be embarrassed.
So we think medical paperwork should ask how many good days we have a month instead of how many days in between cycles. Everything looks fine and dandy in the paperwork if we write that we have 21 days between cycles. What if I say, “But me and myself only have about 10 good days out of the month…” Wouldn’t that warrant some discussion? Not the fact that we are three people, but the fact that we only have 10 good days a month. We are completely sane. We are always together.
Our first ten days are wonderful. I’m in a fantastic mood, Me is energetic, Myself gets lots done, and nothing (almost nothing) gets on our nerves.
Within these 10 days, Me & Myself should not go shopping for clothes because I will like everything.
Within these 10 days we like our husband A LOT!
Within these 10 days I’ll think our face looks great except Me & Myself will point out the healed pimples from last month that left a spot.
So after the 10th day, I get so evil, some days Me wants to get away from Myself.
After the 10th day, I do not go a day without M&M’s. Myself and I think they fight off depression.
After the 10th day, things won’t fit right and we are already bloated for the remaining days. If I have a special occasion coming up and Myself needs something to wear and Me is not a regular shopper we say don’t wait until after the 10th day. Trying on something led Me & Myself to needing a new bra and I didn’t like any of them. I clasped both my hands behind Me’s head and looked at Myself in the old bra. I said, “If we could keep our hands up like this, this bra would do just fine.” Even better when we move one elbow up a little bit higher.
After the 10th day, we should not buy hair color. If I am considering a major haircut, Myself should check Me’s state of mind by looking at the calendar.
After the 10th day we will be on repeat, “We need something sweet.” “I need something salty”. “We need something sweet.” “I need something salty”. “We need something sweet.” “I need something salty”. “We need something sweet.” “I need something salty”. And that’s just in one day.
After the 10th day I will feel a sore spot when we smile. This is the first indication of a pimple brewing somewhere in the cheek or chin zone and it will be too early to use zit zapper. The pimple will manifest overnight and it will be too late to use zit zapper.
After the 10th day is when Me & Myself should not shop for shoes or purses, because I will like everything.
Things we hear will annoy us after the 10th day:
- A bird that sounds like a squeaky grocery cart.
- The Alarm
- The Alarm after snooze
- Hey Mom?
- Hey Kenya?
- A barking dog
- The school bus…
And that’s just in one day.
Here’s the thing… On the 21st day or thereabout we just feel like crap. I’m wondering if we would rather sweat without a period or be in a bad mood with one. Please tell us there’s a trade off. We won’t be able to stand the simultaneous fun.
Me, Myself & I
"A mind is a beautiful thing to waste", said my Imagination.
“Let’s not mince words”, Me, Myself and I said when imagination woke us up at 5:00 am on a holiday. We had a dream last night that pretty much said, "Stop sleeping and get back in the game.”
So here I am at 5:07 am on January 16, 2012, needing to write down the dream I had and decipher it before Me, Myself and I forget all the details.
Here's the story...
In my dream it was a snow day. I had other plans and the season changed just like that. Christopher and I were the only ones home. I know because I was on the phone with my husband who couldn’t believe it had snowed. With my multi-tasking iPhone I took a picture while we were on the phone to show him that it had indeed snowed. The snow was melting fast as we stood outside to take a picture. I turned around to see someone using a slow blower. One side of the street was wet and slick from rain. Another side was green and bright with sunshine. Moments later, everything had melted, dried and warmed up.
Christopher and I were back in the house and he was asking what we could do today. The sun was coming out and it was heating up. I suggested we go to the pool – crazy right? I’m deciphering as I type. I only wanted to sit on the side and get my feet wet. For Christopher to be in the pool without me I needed some paperwork that proved his swim level. We were sent on a mission to get what we needed before he could get back in the pool alone.
Even though I had parked in the wrong place, I found where I needed to be. Even though the weather had made the roof leak in the building, and everyone had moved from where they should be, I found the lady whom I needed to get the paperwork from. Even though she tried to tell me I needed something different, I was persistent and she realized I was correct. Crazy right? I get it.
I believe God speaks to me in dreams; in a way that I hear Him and only I can understand. When I was having my “lost dreams”, I would have never found the building I was looking for. If I found the building, I wouldn’t have found the lady. If I found the lady, she wouldn’t have had what I needed and I wouldn’t have found my way out of the building. Being lost is behind me now. But I am struggling with standing still with my purpose while life is pulling me in different directions.
A snow day in Jacksonville, North Carolina represents standing still. Everything shuts down, though the weather doesn’t stick around very long. God wants me to know that time goes by in a blink of an eye and I need to be ready for every season. I’ve only gotten my feet wet. I need to be persistent in what I want for myself, even when there is a detour. It is a sacrifice but I must immerse myself completely.
I haven’t shared all what I believe the dream to represent because the other parts only apply to me. I wanted to share this much because I know there are others in my same position. We struggle with what is practical, what is rational, and what will pay the bills. We exert ourselves to maintain the household. We abide by for better or for worse. We make every effort to be everything for our children. We fight to keep our sanity when in the process of it all we find we are losing ourselves.
I commented recently to a blogger who wrote a post that sounded just like me. She wondered if she should just step back and away from her dreams. I wrote, “I propose that you never give up. Believing in oneself is time consuming but it energizes. It drains me when I am not doing anything to work towards my goal. I rather spin my wheels towards my goal than not at all."
Here’s the thing... If you found my title misleading, it was purely intentional unintentional.
I've always wanted to honor my late grandmother and have her poem published in one of my books. Now seemed like the appropriate time and place to share it. May someone be blessed here today with wit and wisdom.
While I have many blog posts of substance that I am proud of from 2011, this one is my all time favorite.
How nuts do we have to be to pick up a weight loss supplement at Walmart when we also have M&M’s in our shopping cart? I picked up the box because it said 100% Caffeine–Free. We didn’t think it would be dangerous like brands that give us super energy which cause Me to lose the weight anyway, because I can’t sit still, making Myself too busy to eat.
So we came home and sat down with the box of America's #1 Selling Weight-Loss Supplement Brand AND a handful of M&M’s to read the instructions:
• Take one serving (2 pills), with a glass of water three times a day (That’s already more water than we drink in a day)
• Do not snack between meals
• Do not snack after dinner
• Drink 8 to 10 glasses of water per day
Me: “This isn’t going to work”.
Myself: “I know right. If you drink at least three glasses of water and I don’t snack between meals or after dinner Myself will lose weight anyway!”
I: “And save us $18 in the process!”
According to the directions, this 6 pill a day regimen should be followed 8 to 12 weeks WITH diet and exercise in order to be effective.
We do the math. Sixty pills in the box = 10 day supply. In 12 weeks, we would waste a little over $150 on pills. Common sense tells us that following the directions on the box without the pills would probably yield the same results.
We agree to do better. Me will drink more water, Myself will step it up with the exercise routine and I will cut out SOME of the snacks.
Pills and receipt are put in a bag this morning to return to Walmart. Approaching workout time we have an attitude.
Me: “What’s your problem?”
Myself & I: “We don’t feel like doing this.”
Me: “Let’s don’t do it then”.
Me, Myself and I did it anyway. We worked out, drank plenty of water, had a healthy breakfast, returned the pills to Walmart and bought some more M&M’s.
Me, Myself and I: “What ?!”
Here's the thing... No way! Me, myself and I need a lil more time.
Kenya G. Johnson